imaginarium

he plays hospital with construction vehicles as patients.
he wants to be a crab for halloween so he can pinch people.
he wants ahn to be a sea creature. shark comes most naturally to her.

I imagined Bo grown up for the first time in my life. I could almost feel my cheek against his tux on his wedding day. I never even allowed myself to dream of that until today.

pics

ok, so the sd card with all the Easter pics was corrupted and they were pressed onto a CD (nice save, Jose!), but now I'm having issues with that! Anyway, these are more recent, and you can see how much Baby Ahn adores her Bababababaabab-Bo!

Beaster

In a fit of domestic creativity (which is as rare as the ivory billed woodpecker), I fashioned an Easter Egg dying activity for Bo and his toddler buddies on Saturday using stuff we already had at home (tumeric for yellow, rotting blueberries for purple and some ancient jello packets for red, orange and green). And after they went to bed, the Easter Bunny crafted up their baskets using an old pair of green sweatpants cut-up into "grass" and tied around their Spring pj's rolled up like rosebuds. Bo had a blast being the Easter Bunny all day Sunday, delivering his and Ahn's baskets to me and Jose. He was soooo awesome at mass (no children's church, doh!) and behaved through the worlds' longest service (okay, it was Easter, so like I should be surprised?)
pics will be uploaded tonight!

Easter Bunny, Santa or ??

It's the week of Easter and Bo is really excited for the Easter Bunny's arrival. Instead, we got snow. And a surprise visit. Jose asked who he thought was coming.
b: Gramma?
j: no
b: The Easter Bunny?
j: no
b: Santa?
j: nope; your tio Ren.

So Easter Bunny this week, expecting a couple new cousins' due dates the weeks after, Bo's 4th birthday (yes, the one we were told to never expect), visit to doctors in Boston, Ahn's 1st birthday, Baby Wen's 1st birthday, and suddenly it will be Fall.

The baby had gooier diapers over the last week, and I had a really hard time containing my rising panic. The white noise in my head was truly blinding. And I suddenly experienced losing my car (hi, it's not like a small thing to misplace) again and again all week. I had to ask someone, how freaked out should I be getting? Because I'm crying and shaking and unable to put together a coherent thought. And after feeding her an entire banana for dinner two nights in a row (God bless our pediatrician's nurse, Fran), her dipes got normal again. PTL.

My parents are enjoying their winter in China and thinking about permanently retiring there. I'm delighted that they are so happy, but it's sad for me and Bo, especially since they cannot manage to keep our skype appointments. But I guess this is where I release my angst to the Universe, God and the angels and just say that Jose's family and all Bo's adoptive aunties, uncles and grandparents take a very active role in his life and stand guard around him, make snowmen and snow angels with him, read books to him, and have never, ever been stingy with their love. Bo and Ahn could not have a more adoring family, and I can only explain their extraordinary presence as some kind of wonderful...

Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance which continued prosperity might have involved...

I was wistfully contemplating the easy, shallow life I had been leading. So full of promise, and abundance. Unacknowledged blessings and privilege.

Now I walk around with this gaping cleft in my heart. My damn bleeding heart. And I can see the lovingkindness in the world through my new eyes.

Buy oh Lordy, the other me? I would have been a skinny enviable bee-yotch; double income, no kids. Elbowing my way into a corner office.

I wouldn't trade Bo for any of that. Just in my fantasy on the way to a meeting with the parent 2 parent coordinator, as we scheme ways to provide support to families with kids on tubies in the area. I think about my alternate life. The other me. Sigh.

Ha!

My Own Private Snow White

My brain, the fragile beauty that fell into a deep dreamless sleep, awakens to motherhood, corporate intrigue and nuclear meltdown.

I'm sure there could have been better circumstances to regain my cognition, but better late than never, right?

Also, the Adventure Project exceeded their $10k/24hour goal and get the matching funds.

Water, water everywhere...

www.TheAdventureProject.causevox.com

The above is a picture of Bo, only a few days old. We did not know what was wrong, only that something was terribly wrong. He looked like all the babies who die of bad water, only we knew he didn't have a waterborne illness.

It turns out that water is a subject very specifically close to my heart. Not only am I a microbiologist by training, but I did work in infectious diseases.

Water is an issue for our troops. It is an issue for our babies. It is something that Bo can only have limited amounts of, but that he craves. It is something that kills 4000 children daily: more than malaria, measles and AIDS combined. In my very sick child's eyes, I saw what those mothers are seeing every day. An unknowable and unrelenting grief.

I'm coming out of my pain for the second time. Having another baby reminded me of all we went through the first time. So for all those mothers who need a child that lives, to heal their hearts, to limit this suffering, I'm dedicating today's blog to world water day. Go to their link and fund the training of local people who will fix the broken wells in India, so their children can have clean water, so they can earn a living and fix more wells and send those children to school.

If 100 bloggers can raise $10,000 in 24 hours, The Prem Rawat Foundation will match it. Every $20 fixes enough handpumps to keep 3 people in clean water. So, here's the link...

www.TheAdventureProject.causevox.com