Every Morning Alone Time

The one thing about Bo's behavior that hasn't changed during this trying time is his satisfaction playing by himself in the mornings. And every morning I watch him playing, hoping that we have reached a turning point, only to be disappointed by his distress in the evenings.

Last night I was so distraught, I found myself wondering about palliative care. Again, revisiting those UM doctors in my head. I just felt so crazed and desperate. What if his kidneys were failing and we just didn't know it? Could we do a live organ transplant? Would DeVos do it? What the hell am I thinking? I am going mad. He is teething, probably. Or has the flu. ...But then, the Tordol didn't work last week...

Then, tonight, I nursed him after getting home, and no gagging. Not even spit up. He wanted more, so I warmed up a bottle, and he devoured that. Still no vomiting. And another bottle. And even a little more nursing. Seriously, praise the Lord. And Buddha. Kwan Yin the Merciful. All my ancestors. The kind and gentle spirits of the trees Bo loves so much. This is the most he's eaten all week combined. Please let this be the turning point.

No end in sight

I am past frantic, beyond anxious. I am frustrated and worried. Bo has been fussy for over a week, with loss of appetite, nausea and increased stool output. He gets so uncomfortable he can't take a second nap and then has problems falling asleep at then end of the day being over fatigued on top of the nausea. He hardly smiles. But he has no fever, his WBC dropped from last week, and his CVL site looks great.

Theories range from flu to teething. I don't much care what the problem is, I just want a way to make him more comfortable.