Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Normal and neighborly

We have made it through these white-hot days. I pray this is the worst of it. The reality of another hospitalization is sobering, to say the least. But we celebrate today, literally, and turn a blind eye to the misfortune evaded, again.

Neighbors comment how fast you and your sister have grown, admonish us to enjoy. Both true. But I cringe, because both infancies were years that I do not cherish, and try not to remember. Days full of mind-crushing fear, exhaustion, anxiety, sleep deprivation, bearing witness to and not having the authority to stop any of the pain or fear you lived through. And waiting, in terror, for your sister, to maybe develop symptoms of the same. For two years. The pain of those excruciating days may be some kind of foreshadowing, the culmination of which I do not look forward to, nor do I cherish. Those days are behind us now, like the sweet springs that feed our lakes.

I only have an appetite to enjoy each moment now. Each hot, sweaty moment. Each long-winded story. Each non-sensical pun. Each punchline-less joke.

How about this? I cherish each beautiful moment of your infancies for the wonderyears we are now enjoying. But I do not long for any of those days. Luckily we can't, and I wouldn't, wish them back.

Our secret: 200 cc of half normal saline to be administered at the hot and sleepy siesta, or earlier, if needed. Lots of air conditioning. A fan at night. And baths.