Thursday, September 20, 2012

my kinda town!!!

We are about to go to Chicago for a wedding. Bo will be on antibiotics for foreseeable future (read: 4 weeks). It's good, because his docs take this seriously and want to knock these bugs out for good. It's bad, because it's an infection that persisted through a 7-day course of treatment. But it's good, because the travel is less scary, since he's on antibiotics :)

And it's really good because it's the wedding of Bo's Godfather, one of my besties from college. We always joke that we are thisclose because we are almost the same person. Our birthdays are only 3 days apart, and now our wedding anniversaries will be only a day different.

The joy, hope, love and gratitude I am feeling may be the euphoria of sleep deprivation, or near-death, or simply relief of twice daily antibiotics instead of 4 times. Perhaps it is the anticipation of being in the same room with my chosen family who are so dear to me, who have supported me and my little family so long. Maybe it the glee of living such a rich life, despite, but with so much struggle; and finally realizing that we all have struggles- just with different names (MID, dad with alzeimers, best friend with cancer, sister with infertility, the list goes on), but that those struggles make our friendships that much more precious, that this life becomes highlighted in the light of the golden hour for much longer than an hour.

Bo's line infection happened at the same time as the final stages of my ANDA, my first. The same time my niece came to Michigan. The same time kindergarten started.

But life does not wait. And life happens. And we just carry on, because the alternative, or any of the alternatives, do not leave us better off.

And so, I spent the day polishing my 3000+ page document (I am not exaggerating: 12 three-inch 3-ring binders, full), rocking out to boy band singles, wishing I _was_ a boy band (I don't wish I was a boy, or a popstar, or in a boy band, I just had this overwhelming wish to be the entire boy band). And then thinking, if I was a Bollywood movie, that would be an easily acceptable substitute. Then thinking, I have a fighting chance of having this damn thing in good enough shape that I just _might_ get permission to take Monday off.

Two line infections in 5 years is a pretty good track record. 2 central lines in the same amount of time (and the 1st was only lost due to out-growing it) adds to our confidence that we have pretty good technique. But none of that takes away the fact that we live thisclose to the other side. And then again, who doesn't?

So we carry on. And remain grateful for all that we have. Reliable TPN deliveries. Washers and dryers. Good employment. A leafy neighborhood, and great public school. Books old and new. Friends, baby friends and baby frenemies. Family and hanai family. Beginnings, endings, love and endurance.

Let's get married!
I love you, snuggle down!