Can I Tell You a Secret?

I really don't want more children. Really. When we were fighting so hard for Bo's life, when every night was a series of beeping pumps and sounds of agony, when each morning seemed the beginning of a sea of pain, I went to bed each night thinking about the Duggars, Jon & Kate and Octomom. Full of envy.

Finally, we had Ahn. And she is truly her brother's opposite. Exuberant, extroverted, unafraid.

But I know enough science to know that a genetic test that was only used in a research setting for a disease whose gene was only just mapped can only tell us so much. While Ahn's results in utero told us she did not have the same tragic genes as her brother, I was not convinced she would be spared the same fate. So her entire first year of life was spent. Waiting. For the other shoe.

It did not drop, and I finally have begun to regain bits and pieces of my sanity. But a year ago this month was certainly a dark time.

And now, while we continue to generate mountains of recycling and amass yardage of cool-packs, I'm more worried about Ahn jumping off the couch when I'm not looking, or running to the playground before bedtime. I work hard, and I play hard in my work clothes. When they say day-to-evening wear, that is what I'm thinking about. And as long as you don't mind, I don't mind going down the slide with the toddler, in my work skirt, especially if Bo says he "will be there to catch [me]."

Hot days, cool nights and late sunsets. There really is a Kalamazoo. Happy Summer!