Beaster

In a fit of domestic creativity (which is as rare as the ivory billed woodpecker), I fashioned an Easter Egg dying activity for Bo and his toddler buddies on Saturday using stuff we already had at home (tumeric for yellow, rotting blueberries for purple and some ancient jello packets for red, orange and green). And after they went to bed, the Easter Bunny crafted up their baskets using an old pair of green sweatpants cut-up into "grass" and tied around their Spring pj's rolled up like rosebuds. Bo had a blast being the Easter Bunny all day Sunday, delivering his and Ahn's baskets to me and Jose. He was soooo awesome at mass (no children's church, doh!) and behaved through the worlds' longest service (okay, it was Easter, so like I should be surprised?)
pics will be uploaded tonight!

Easter Bunny, Santa or ??

It's the week of Easter and Bo is really excited for the Easter Bunny's arrival. Instead, we got snow. And a surprise visit. Jose asked who he thought was coming.
b: Gramma?
j: no
b: The Easter Bunny?
j: no
b: Santa?
j: nope; your tio Ren.

So Easter Bunny this week, expecting a couple new cousins' due dates the weeks after, Bo's 4th birthday (yes, the one we were told to never expect), visit to doctors in Boston, Ahn's 1st birthday, Baby Wen's 1st birthday, and suddenly it will be Fall.

The baby had gooier diapers over the last week, and I had a really hard time containing my rising panic. The white noise in my head was truly blinding. And I suddenly experienced losing my car (hi, it's not like a small thing to misplace) again and again all week. I had to ask someone, how freaked out should I be getting? Because I'm crying and shaking and unable to put together a coherent thought. And after feeding her an entire banana for dinner two nights in a row (God bless our pediatrician's nurse, Fran), her dipes got normal again. PTL.

My parents are enjoying their winter in China and thinking about permanently retiring there. I'm delighted that they are so happy, but it's sad for me and Bo, especially since they cannot manage to keep our skype appointments. But I guess this is where I release my angst to the Universe, God and the angels and just say that Jose's family and all Bo's adoptive aunties, uncles and grandparents take a very active role in his life and stand guard around him, make snowmen and snow angels with him, read books to him, and have never, ever been stingy with their love. Bo and Ahn could not have a more adoring family, and I can only explain their extraordinary presence as some kind of wonderful...

Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance which continued prosperity might have involved...

I was wistfully contemplating the easy, shallow life I had been leading. So full of promise, and abundance. Unacknowledged blessings and privilege.

Now I walk around with this gaping cleft in my heart. My damn bleeding heart. And I can see the lovingkindness in the world through my new eyes.

Buy oh Lordy, the other me? I would have been a skinny enviable bee-yotch; double income, no kids. Elbowing my way into a corner office.

I wouldn't trade Bo for any of that. Just in my fantasy on the way to a meeting with the parent 2 parent coordinator, as we scheme ways to provide support to families with kids on tubies in the area. I think about my alternate life. The other me. Sigh.

Ha!