Hawaii on the Brain

Thinking of our Hawaii families expecting very soon!! Can't wait to meet you!

Gestation Redux

All told, I am feeling well, and continue to marvel at how lucky we are. Above are 9 and 10 week shots of "Baby Present," as Bo affectionately refers to it.

But the day-to-day behind my gratitude is a cascade of complex emotions: conflicted, anxious, exhausted; hopeful, grateful, contented. I see this picture of myself, 6 weeks pregnant with Bo, fit, happy and expectant. Today, at 19 weeks, there are times when the worry and fear leave me breathless (well, that and just the sheer size!). An age has passed.

It is scientific fact that I am and have been bathed in a sea of hormones which certainly has an effect. But it is also true that the gauntlet we have travelled from that sunny regatta day to this has been fraught with its own set of unforseen and unimagineable anguish and triumph. And that time's accompanying elevated cortisol levels. And sleepless nights, and tearful days. And moments of wretchedness and relief. While I wouldn't trade a moment of this life, I certainly wouldn't recommend it as a way to preserve your youth.

We are changed forever. And I have lost forever those days of unfettered, carefree joy. I have finally arrived at my adulthood, burnished, polished, glowing.

All Quiet

So, I'm having a mental block and just can't get pictures up. I figured a shout out to the world that all is quiet and well would be good just about now. Bo is sleeping peacefully. We've been approved for another 3 months of nursing care. Jose's got a sculpture entered in CCS' alumni show. And all the pre-natal testing has come back so far as normal. I'm at 17 weeks (but as big as 25!!) and am past the morning sickness and terrible fatigue. Now I'm just hampered by my size.

Pix From Hawaii (Oct)

I know, I'm behind on posting pix. Sorry. But to ally anyone's anxiety about the last post referring to inpatient infusions: no worries, this is just a precautionary measure in case Bo experiences an allergic reaction to the infusion. As with all medications for children, the toxicities and dosing are usually done off-label. The liability and study design to include children on a label are just to high and complex for any pharmaceutical company to openly pursue out-right. So, what usually happens is the pediatricians and pediatric specialists just have to guess and hope it works. I know. Scary. But what can you do? Anyway, by the time a product is on the market in the US, those safety issues are usually very well documented. And then, after it's been used in the pediatric population for a long time and there's a lot of data from its use on the market, a company will THEN apply to include children on the label. More to the point, Bo's infusions are so low risk that we usually just check into the floor, get him hooked up and go straight to the playroom, returning only to watch some Thomas Train DVDs that Child Life has brought by. They only do vitals before we hook him up and right before we leave. But it's a good precaution in case something does happen. And, hopefully, after the 6th one they will let us do these from home.

Merry Christmas!!

Eating is still sporadic, but sometimes, Bo is quite enthusiastic!

The Hugeness!

Sing Along