Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Firsts




Ahn has outgrown her first set of clothes. She has experienced her first family hospital stay after being born. Bo has had his first admission in almost 2 years.

The heat, the increased activity, the excitement, all led to Bo's dehydration that we tried, unsuccessfully, to manage out-patient. The docs were able to stabilize him enough to send us home in record time. A great way to spend the weekend.

This has been going on since the week Ahn was born. We originally attributed this to adjusting to the baby. Bo was suddenly retching and dry heaving. This went on all afternoon until bedtime, ending with a little boy so lethargic and exhausted he could barely sit up for bedtime stories. Anyone who knows Bo knows that I am not exaggerating when I say that the first time I experienced his behavior like this I wanted to rush to the ER. I should have followed that instinct. Turns out that his potassium was dropping to a critically low range (too high or too low will lead to seizure or heart failure), low sodium, low chloride, high BUN, rising white count. Good Lord.

His beloved nephrologist left our home hospital and I was paralyzed with fear that the remaining docs in the practice would not be up to the challenge of managing Bo. And while I am still committed to following this guy, once we find out where he's gone off to, I am happy to say that his clinic does just fine managing Bo, thank you very much! And, I have to admit, I was highly skeptical at having an effective and efficiently managed stay that started with a Friday afternoon admission (who is even on service, will they bother to round, let alone look at the labs?) and in July (bring on the goat rodeo: new interns, residents, nurses, nursing techs, PAs, etc.).

Having a newborn and one in the hospital is not a relaxing weekend program I would recommend, but it was a LOT less sucky with the support of my MIL who graciously dropped everything to pinch hit for us. It also helps that DeVos has a hospitality house attached to it that had vacancies the day we were admitted straight from clinic. With all that gratitude, I have to say that I am out of practice cowing interns, residents, hospitalists and nurses. Usually the nurses I'm all good with, but I cannot get with the ones who insist on drawing labs or taking vitals on Bo at 4am. He is not the kid who falls back asleep. So save that part of your plan for some other baby.

Bo's nausea has been resolved, we can sleep through the night again (only punctuated by late-night nursing), and I can marvel at the speed with which my maternity leave is disappearing. The end.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Bo has a baby sister as of June 19th










It has been too long since my last post. The days come and go. The hope, the paralyzing fear, the exhaustion, the mind-numbing heat. These thoughts come and go and I rarely have the heart to post them, hoping the dark days will soon be supplanted by joyful ones, and fearing the joyful ones will be overtaken by disappointment. But the reality is that heartbreak is never-ending. We don't just experience it once and say to the Universe, no thanks, I'm passing on seconds. I already got my ticket punched. So I live between heaven and earth, touching reality, anxious of heartache, grateful for grace.

Ahn Tsuen Andrea Velarde-Chan was welcomed into our family on Juneteenth, 2010. Although her labor was induced, with a mild medicine, the rest of the labor and delivery was completely drug-free (like Bo's). Labor lasted ~15 hours, with only 5 of it being active. Ahn was born midday with her father, midwife and nurse present at Bronson Methodist Hospital. She was quietly placed on my chest after birth and remained there for quite some time as we drank in her peaceful entrance into our lives. She weighed 7 lbs 6.7 oz. and was 20 inches in length.

Her Chinese name is Peace River. Peaceful, tranquil river. Her middle name is in honor of our dear friend, Andrea Rosenberger.

Bo has better and worse days during this time of seismic transition from being an only to being a sibling. It is everything I had hoped for and everything I had dreaded. When we came home from the NICU to contemplate the darkness and uncertainty of Bo, I dreamed of another baby. One to take away the heartbreak waiting around the corner, at worst. One to temper Bo's only-child status, at best.