Friday, January 29, 2010

Gestation Redux






All told, I am feeling well, and continue to marvel at how lucky we are. Above are 9 and 10 week shots of "Baby Present," as Bo affectionately refers to it.

But the day-to-day behind my gratitude is a cascade of complex emotions: conflicted, anxious, exhausted; hopeful, grateful, contented. I see this picture of myself, 6 weeks pregnant with Bo, fit, happy and expectant. Today, at 19 weeks, there are times when the worry and fear leave me breathless (well, that and just the sheer size!). An age has passed.

It is scientific fact that I am and have been bathed in a sea of hormones which certainly has an effect. But it is also true that the gauntlet we have travelled from that sunny regatta day to this has been fraught with its own set of unforseen and unimagineable anguish and triumph. And that time's accompanying elevated cortisol levels. And sleepless nights, and tearful days. And moments of wretchedness and relief. While I wouldn't trade a moment of this life, I certainly wouldn't recommend it as a way to preserve your youth.

We are changed forever. And I have lost forever those days of unfettered, carefree joy. I have finally arrived at my adulthood, burnished, polished, glowing.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

All Quiet

So, I'm having a mental block and just can't get pictures up. I figured a shout out to the world that all is quiet and well would be good just about now. Bo is sleeping peacefully. We've been approved for another 3 months of nursing care. Jose's got a sculpture entered in CCS' alumni show. And all the pre-natal testing has come back so far as normal. I'm at 17 weeks (but as big as 25!!) and am past the morning sickness and terrible fatigue. Now I'm just hampered by my size.