All told, I am feeling well, and continue to marvel at how lucky we are. Above are 9 and 10 week shots of "Baby Present," as Bo affectionately refers to it.
But the day-to-day behind my gratitude is a cascade of complex emotions: conflicted, anxious, exhausted; hopeful, grateful, contented. I see this picture of myself, 6 weeks pregnant with Bo, fit, happy and expectant. Today, at 19 weeks, there are times when the worry and fear leave me breathless (well, that and just the sheer size!). An age has passed.
It is scientific fact that I am and have been bathed in a sea of hormones which certainly has an effect. But it is also true that the gauntlet we have travelled from that sunny regatta day to this has been fraught with its own set of unforseen and unimagineable anguish and triumph. And that time's accompanying elevated cortisol levels. And sleepless nights, and tearful days. And moments of wretchedness and relief. While I wouldn't trade a moment of this life, I certainly wouldn't recommend it as a way to preserve your youth.
We are changed forever. And I have lost forever those days of unfettered, carefree joy. I have finally arrived at my adulthood, burnished, polished, glowing.
3 comments:
lovely, sweet, bittersweet. A complex life embraced.
xoxo
love you, my family across the sea...you are the brightest jewel, whose glow i feel thousands of miles away.
Very well put....you summed up the feelings I have as well but just haven't been able to put them into words as eloquently as you.
Wishing you all the best, Sarah
Post a Comment